8/19/2016 0 Comments A Recent Life Hack1. A key to LETTING GO, is EXPRESSION.
The phrase "Letting Go" has swirled around my life for a long time. It's in my religious, creative, and self-helpy cultural languages quite often. I've always been drawn to it, but also at odds with it. It seems to be this thing that is important to do, but almost impossible to achieve. Or you think about doing it, and think, and think, and then maybe, one day, it happens. It's been hard for me to understand HOW you let something go. The other day, I was trying to have some kind of intentional start to my day and was journaling in my "Sacred Pregnancy" book. This book offers great ideas and questions for reflection, and as I was writing and thinking, I finally started voicing in my head/praying to the Divine about how scared I was that what happened with Sequoia was going to happen again with the Rainbow Babies. And I just said it over and over and finally started crying. (A good cry has been building in me a looooooonnnngggg time.) For a while now, I've been wondering and praying and writing about how to "Let Go" of this fear... knowing that it is healthiest (for ALL involved) for me to "Let Go" of this deeply rooted trauma-based expectation and be "Present with Joy." That last phrase just seemed to haunt me, snickering. So very meanly elusive. As I started finally just letting myself EXPRESS that I was feeling that way, and let it POUR OUT, I felt that trauma-based expectation let go of it's fierce grip on my heart and float away. As I sat there, just feeling the release, I marveled. A) I felt so grateful, and B) I realized that one of my keys to "Letting Go" is to express. Example: Adopting the practice of chanting has been HUGE for me in this way. My 'throat chakra' is a complicated space, and has held/holds a lot of blockage and tension--meaning, I grew up keeping a lot of my emotions/feelings/thoughts inside because I didn't feel free to express them/myself. Learning to experience that freedom has come in large part because of my chanting practice. (My speaking voice has literally dropped to a deeper, more resonant tone.) I have been able, and will hopefully continue, to "Let Go" of many emotional blocks because of this, and it has been the gateway to so much more learning and growth. Before chanting, I used to scream into my pillow or drive to a secluded place and scream in my car. This worked a bit, (and I'm sure I'll still do this once in a while) but I like the chanting better. Plus, it's more preventative. Example: Writing. In "The Artist's Way", the author encourages the reader/creative to free-write daily. I've been consistent at this in a very off-and-on way, and the times that I do it--I call it "Brain Dumping"--so. many. things. "Let Go" . . . It's like through writing it, getting it on the page, I am no longer attached to it. It no longer controls me. I control it. Or rather, I observe it and can choose to let it float away. (Or burn away, whichever one suits the occasion. ) Last example: Communication. I've mostly experienced this at work and in my marriage, but if something is bothering me and I'm having a hard time "Letting it go", when I finally TALK about it (and feel heard) and have a good conversation, it kinda just . . . evaporates. Starting those conversations can be so scary. Being in the middle of those conversations are a little less scary, but still scary. I have to psych myself up like crazy (and brain-dumping helps prepare me), and I've had to learn a lot about how NOT to approach a conversation like that (so many ouchy times!), but the pay-off is so worth it for me. Anyway, if you've lasted this long, I would love to hear how YOU "Let Go".
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8/16/2016 0 Comments Georgia: Grad SchoolsTurns out we're pregnant with twins. A double rainbow. Ha. ("Rainbow Babies" are babies born after a miscarriage or stillbirth.)
SO. MANY. FEELINGS!!!! a lot of joy, a lot of fear, coming and going and sometimes coinciding. I've been doing more personal journal writing, but because we've moved and I might as well share, even if it's just my grandma and my children-down-the-road reading, I'm picking up chronicling the journey in the blog-o-sphere. Because of my history and the crazy truth that there are TWO babies in my belly, I have to take it pretty slow. Meaning, while Paul is off learning tons of awesome stuff, I am home, and spending many hours laying down... learning tons of awesome stuff? So I've decided that I am calling it "Motherhood Grad School." I've already taken my pre-reqs, and am maybe through my first semester (aka, Sequoia). I am finishing up my second semester and just about the time Paul hits clinicals--so will I. Honestly, this is an endeavor in helping me not waste time and live more intentionally. (I am really putting my long-past homeschooling self-mastery to the test.) I have lots of things I want to learn and process and create and become! ...And so often I find myself laying on my bed 'cause I'm exhausted from making a salad, and the next thing I know I am lost in the cyber space of FB or Insta and an hour has flown by. Gaaaaa. That is the worst. Here's what I'm dealing with (as far as I'm aware): My body feels like I have a sleeping serum pumping through it constantly. I'm not really supposed to exercise. I'm always hungry/have to eat so I don't get nauseous. And I'm mostly in charge of food as Paul is gone at school/work. (He's the better chef, so...) We found a beautiful old house that is so close to Paul's clinic it's insane... it's also a bit bigger than we expected and quite oldy-smelly. So I'm trying to get that cleaned, and moved into, and less stinky. Paul and I are trying to be intentional about balancing our lives as we hear his program gets quite intense. Church service opportunities will be more visible soon, we want to make friends and serve in our community, and keep up with as many people as possible (which we both aren't very good at). On my "Motherhood Grad School" learning list: *Spirit: meditation, journaling, art, music, pregnancy affirmations, hypnosis birth prep *Mind: studying gospel of Christ, studying other things (yoga, autism/theatre, politics, babies, etc.), reading-for-fun *Body: napping, healthy cooking/eating, yoga *Stewardships: keeping a happy/clean/beautiful home, gardening, finances, service, artistic projects (Splitting the Sky) As always, I'm probably eyeing a bigger "plate" than my stomach can handle. Here we go. 8/16/2016 0 Comments a transitionSo, we were grieving for a while. And still are in some ways. Eventually the excruciatingly present pain eased and, as just happens, we moved on with life. We were closer, deeper, more heart-broken, and incredibly overwhelmed by all of the service constantly given us. Eventually big bright things started to happen--Paul was accepted to Grad School, the Shakespeare Musical I was directing at ScenicView Academy was a tremendous success, and ... we, very unexpectedly, got pregnant again.
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anna
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